She looks frail and delicate at her age of eighty one. She could barely move her legs which make her face twist in agony or if it was touched, even with care. There is no wheelchair, so my son and I have to sit her on a plastic chair and carry her toward the waiting cab. As we carry her along she let out a stifling cry, softly muttering and pleading the Lord to ease the pain. She is a bit heavy for her small frame though she is not fat. She could have not weight more than a hundred and twenty.
Last August 5 my mother fainted and fell. She has just finished her bath and was hanging her laundry outside the yard when suddenly she felt dizzy. This caused her to lose her balance. Unfortunately, she was all alone in the house at the time. No one could tell how long she was unconscious or if she were indeed. Upon gaining her consciousness, she cried for help. Our nearest neighbor heard the cry and she was immediately helped to stand and be carried back home. In agonizing pain. This is what happened, according to her.
The fall could not have been that hard. The right thigh she was complaining of has not shown any sign of swelling. Even after two days of excruciating pain. Neither headache nor any sign of swelling or scratches. This could only mean that the fall could have been cushioned by something, maybe her left elbow or left arm, as this is the only part of her body that has some small scratches, which is not so serious. The wounds are superficial which more looks like it was a result of scratching hard and long. Since she has not complained of any pains other than her thighs and would not want us to bring her to the doctor, we just tried to observe her.
Two days I pleaded her to be x-rayed for any possible fracture in the pelvic bones if it was that painful whenever her thigh is moved or touched. But she would not listen to my pleas. She is already content not to make any movement, just lying there on the sofa the whole day till she fell asleep at night. On the third day, my wife and I finally brought her to the hospital.
The doctor on duty at the emergency room examined her. Her blood pressure and blood sugar were checked, the doctor would like to know what caused her dizziness. The doctor is puzzled what could be the source of the pain on her thigh, there is no swelling. He ordered for an x-ray to be conducted. The result of the blood test indicated that her sugar level at 210 is well the above normal level. Her blood pressure is also quite high at 150. Then the result of the x-ray indicated there is no fracture on her thigh. However, it was decided that she be confined at least a day in the hospital to conduct more test and to observe her further.
As she lay there helplessly, she looks so vulnerable, so helpless, with a worried look on her face. What is it she is worrying about, no one knows.
As I watch her, some painful memories of the past came to haunt me once again. At that moment, I could still see vividly how she made life challenging for all of us, especially my wife and my children. How she would throw tantrums or start a quarrel with my wife or any of my children for any reasons which is irrational at most time; frequently, it would be whenever she would learn of our activities with Couples for Christ community, even just attending our regular household meeting or of any community event our whole family have to attend. If I do not side with her or took her reckoning, which is most of the time, she will leave the house without anyone knowing where she would be. Her disappearance would last for one to three months.
Of course, I would be worried for her. In fact, everyone would be worried. I would make calls for anyone who might have knowledge of where she could be staying. Later on, either a relative or one of her friends would call me in the office to inform where she could be found. Naturally, I would be going to the place and talk to her. It would only be after two days to a week that she would be persuaded to come with me back to our house.
Her propensity to emote her misguided or wrong notion of her sensibilities towards those who will defy her fancies (real or imagined) will surely get her irritating attention. Time has come that some of my children had expressed their animosity toward their grandmother. Regretfully, all I can say to them is to give her more understanding. Being a widow (my father died in January, 1991) there is no one who will take care of her except me, her only living son (my only brother died at a young age of 27 in October, 1986). Though, sometimes my wife would also air her grievances mildly, she would still talk to our children about giving their understanding toward their grandmother careful not to be affected by her own sensibility. For this, I have admired her most since she is the one who gets the irritant most often.
Now as she lays there so helpless, I want to tell her what I feel, what I truly feel for her. How I would also like to tell her how wrong she was in treating my wife miserably and the psychological and emotional stress she has brought to everyone in my household. That even though she has done what she has done to us I will still be her son. A son who, in spite of seeing that his family is being wronged, is still willing to do his God-given duty towards her mother; especially in her old age. And I would like to assure her, that I shall not be alone. My wife who, despite all the demeaning words she received from her, despite the emotional susceptibility to fear her brought about by the unstable relationship, still loves her and is still keenly convicted to be at my side taking care of her. It is not that I have not tried to talk to her about these matters in the past. I did, but every time the discussion will not produce anything to settle the matter, rather it will just be another occasion to deepen the imagined hurts she harbors in her heart.
Still, I held on to my emotion. I think this is not the time. What is best at this moment of her helplessness is to show in deed what I would like her to feel. To let her feel our love for her; to let her feel that we shall care for her till the end of her days.
And I pray to God that she sees it clearly.
