Sex and Marriage

We know that sexual intimacy before marriage is immoral. However, to some the statement will be debatable, and to some it is still the rule.

But do we really know the reason why? Do we believe it is immoral because we just inherited the idea that it is wrongful to have pre-marital or extra-marital sex through our parents or because this is what was said by our priest or pastor, or this is the custom we have grown up with?

However, some statistics and studies suggest otherwise. There are now more couples living together without going into a more lasting bond that is marriage compared to that of twenty or more years ago. The reasons may be varied. Here in the Philippines, one of the reasons may be economic, which is a very flimsy reason. A simple wedding ceremony can suffice if the couple will. Also, there are not a few instances wherein the woman is already in the second, third or more months of her pregnancy at the time of her wedding day. I have also often heard that marriage is just a piece of paper signed by the man and woman with the agreement to live together as a family. Today, we are also hearing of same-sex marriages.

Time has indeed changed, some of what we conceived before as immoral is becoming the norm today - all in the guise of liberalism, progress, or practicality.

Consider the facts that there are more children raised by a single parent than it was twenty or more years ago. Sadly, unknown to many this situation have an effect on children. It is said that evidences suggest that children raised by a two parent household perform better than those of single parent household. Studies also shows high probability that a child raised in a single parent household may end up being pregnant during their teens or of having a failed marriage.

This subject matter came to me one day as I was reading my daily devotional book, Word Among Us. And I chance upon this article by Fr. Alfredo Hernandez entitled Why Wait? I kept thinking hard whether I would write something about this subject. I do not claim to be an expert on this. However, I came to the conclusion that I have to share this with all of you as I find this subject pertinent to all, a very good reason why sexual intimacy have to wait for marriage.

Fr. Hernandez defined four characteristics of a Christian Marriage:

1. It is forever: The permanence of the couple’s love for each other represents Christ’s eternal commitment to us. Christian marriage must last forever. It should withstand the tests of times. The longer each one clings on to the other, the sweeter the relationship becomes.

2. It is faithful: The couple’s mutual faithfulness witnesses to the love of Christ, who will never abandon his people. For better or for worse... For richer or poorer... In sickness and in health... This is the vow each of them made at the front of the altar of God- this is what makes it sacred. It is not just a matter of signing a contract of agreement between two people.

3. It is fruitful: This aspect of Christ’s love is expressed by the couple’s willingness to bring forth new life. Sexual intimacy is the crown of the couple’s relationship. It has a purpose other than being a self satisfying action. Sexual intimacy is not an act just for the satisfaction of one’s biological impulses; rather it is an act with a much deeper purpose done with love. Love will bear the fruition of the act. Both has to be ready to face the sacrifices rearing a child entails.

4. It is self-giving: Christ sacrificed himself totally for the church; similarly, husband and wife commit themselves to withhold nothing from one another.
Fidelity to each other must be held sacred. Each one now has to live for each other and to their offspring. A new chapter in their lives is now opened wherein two hearts have become as one – same vision, same mission, same purpose.

Even at the very start of the relationship, the couple has to learn how to give one’s self for the other. And I can assure you that it will entail a lot of sacrifices for each one. Sacrifices which will mean the success of the union.