We filipinos can also organize ourselves!

As hunger rises in US, so do creative ways to help

One example: Some corporations are being urged to skip their annual holiday party and donate the money to help the hungry instead.

By Alexandra Marks | Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor
from the December 22, 2008 edition

New York - With a big spike in the number of Americans heading to food banks, people who want to help are getting creative – from corporations to state governments to individuals.
Food pantries across the country have reported a 30 percent increase in how many people are
coming in for a bag of groceries, many of them for the first time. That has prompted more
corporate and individual donations, but not nearly enough to meet the sudden demand. And so
antihunger advocates have put on their thinking caps.

Groups like City Harvest in New York are urging corporations such as BlackRock Inc. to skip their annual holiday party and donate the money to help the hungry instead.
Dozens of yoga centers like Riverdog in Old Saybrook, Conn., are holding "Yoga for Food" events: bring a bag of groceries and get a free class.

Feeding America, the largest US hunger-relief organization, has teamed up with General Mills and NBC's show "The Biggest Loser" for a "Pound for Pound Challenge." Pledge to lose weight and for every pound you do, General Mills will donate 10 cents to Feeding America.
Even soap operas are in on it. Characters in "Guiding Light" and "The Young and the Restless" are holding V8 Juice-sponsored food drives for Feeding America.

Antihunger advocates say this is one of the toughest seasons they've ever seen, but it's also an innovative one, too.

"This is the scrappiest year we've had in terms of having to come up with strategic approaches to things," says Jilly Stephens, executive director of City Harvest, which collects excess food and delivers it to community food programs. "But the team here is being fantastically creative not only about raising funds, but also raising food, too. We're turning over every stone we can."
The "stones" they're turning over are big and little. At City Harvest's request, Mayor Michael
Bloomberg wrote to 200 major food manufacturers and distributors in the area and asked them to donate. The group is also urging individuals to skip lunch one day and donate that money to a food bank.

Similar efforts are under way nationwide. Feeding America, which used to be called America's
Second Harvest, coordinates donations of money and food for more than 200 food banks in all 50 states. This year, donations of food to Feeding America are up 13 percent over last year.

Funding is up 30 percent.

Corporations like Kraft Foods, Wal-Mart, and Bank of America have made million-dollar-plus
donations this year. Others, like KPMG, decided to forgo holiday bonuses and instead donate a half million dollars to Feeding America.

"That is our happy news at the national office," says Ross Fraser, a spokesman for Feeding America, which is based in Chicago. "But demand is up so much higher that even though we're raking in all of this dough and all of this food, we're not keeping up with demand."
In a survey of its member food banks released last week, Feeding America found that virtually all its food banks are experiencing significant increases in demand. Although the average is 30
percent, some reported hikes of 60 percent or more. Also, more than 70 percent of food banks said they had to reduce the amount of food given out at a time.

"There are record numbers of new men, women and children, who never thought they would need food assistance," said Vicki Escarra, president and CEO of Feeding America, in a statement that accompanied the report.

That's also prompted a call for federal and state officials to increase the amount of money for food stamps and to make it easier for people to access them. In fact, antihunger advocates are calling on the incoming Obama administration to put a hefty increase in food-stamp benefits into its stimulus package.

Some states are already taking action. In Washington State, local antihunger advocates successfully lobbied the state legislature this fall to raise the eligibility requirements for food stamps to 200 percent of the poverty level. That allows an additional 68,000 working families access to food stamps.

"In the first two months since it's been implemented, we almost reached the goal of new people enrolling that we'd set for the whole year," says Linda Stone, coordinator of the Western Region Anti-Hunger Consortium.

Other states have also raised the income limit for food stamps or are considering doing so. They include Oregon, Wisconsin, Michigan, Massachusetts, and Maryland. Other states, like Montana, are getting even more creative. They're hoping to take advantage of a provision of the food-stamp law that says if people are getting federal assistance with their heating bills from the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP), they're eligible to receive the highest utility deduction in calculating their food-stamp eligibility.

While states are trying to find ways to keep people fed, so, too, are individuals like yoga teacher Kimberly Smith. She had to teach a class the morning after the 9/11 attacks, and the Connecticut resident decided she wanted to do something to help "take care of the community." So she got about 30 students to bring a bag of groceries to donate and did a free yoga practice with them. They collected about 200 pounds of food that year.

Since then, the idea has grown into a national movement with more than 30 yoga studios
participating in 13 states. They've raised hundreds of thousands of pounds of food.

"It was a natural fit: Yoga is food for the spirit," says Ms. Smith. "It's become a win, win, win: The students who get involved feel good, so do the studios that participate. And then, of course, the food banks are grateful."

Find this article at:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1222/p01s02-ussc.html

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Let's admit it, we are admirers of anything western - fashion, culture, etc. We all love Hollywood, and who isn't? We are being entertained as well as awed by their movies and films. We love to imitate anything that's coming out of that country. Actually, we are not alone, even the whole world likes to digest every fashionable that is made in America.

But what is actually amazing me this year about America is not what they are marketing to the world but how they are able to organize themselves as a nation. One, they made history by electing a black president, thus totally eliminating their racial biases that has come to be their culture. Recently, during these times of global crisis, they have once again showed their unity as a people. They are willing to make sacrifices for the good of their nation and countrymen.

I personally am convicted that this trait and example is what should be imitated by us; what should be learned to heart by us. If we can only unite and organize ourselves, then I could see no other reasons why we can not make the Philippines a truly great country at par with the rest of the so-called first world.

Have a great and blessed day!
:-)

Redeeming The Elusive Filipino Dream

We all have dreams; that inner desire for something we believe that will make our lives more progressive or for achieving something better than what we currently have.

To achieve that aspiration, we exert all our effort the best way we can. There is no stone unturned that we shall not turn. There is no narrow path that we shall not tread on. There is no rampaging river that we shall not cross. All for the sake of that elusive dream that strengthen us all – a better life and a bright future.

Whether it is of our own personal aspirations, that dream will merge with the dreams of other Filipinos. Even if we do the chasing of that elusive dream individually for personal interests, in the end it will touch the lives of many citizens of our nation. Our lives are so interconnected with each other. Our self-interest will somehow also be the interest of others. A success of one individual will also mean one more victory for the Philippines. All of us have a role in turning the wheels of the Philippine economy – as the market or as the producer; as an employee or as an employer; as a builder or as an architect. We all have a share in the building and shaping of our nation. Not many of us realize this.

It is therefore of much import for all us to look beyond our self-serving interests. We have to realize that in every task we do, legal or illegal, legitimate or illegitimate, it affects another Filipino. Our future is the future of our country. Our failure is its failure. If we want to change our lives, we also must persevere to effect that change our country needs most.

However, our country needs not only a change but a transformation – of its ideology; of its politics; of its culture. The country is in deep mire. Slowly, we are losing our dignity as a people. A people moving in the highways of globalization without a common vision nor a common mission.

We are lost in the jumble of the right and left ideologies; conservatism and liberalism; faith and secularism; administration or opposition. Most of us do not even understand the meaning of these opposing poles or of what they are standing for. What matters for most of us is to get by our daily business without fears for our future. To find jobs or to build businesses without the hassles of bureaucracy. To live our life peacefully and decently.

Our politics need a very radical transformation. Sadly, most of our politicians could not present to us any new ideas of how the country should be governed. All we hear are the rhetoric of repackaged personalities. For that is what our politics has turned out to be – a politics of personalities; politicians who do not have any clear political agenda – economic nor a worthwhile idealism. Our political system, sadly, are in a state of disarray. Party loyalties bounded to a common ideology are missing. They do not even have a strong vision to guide the nation; except for their shortsightedness of gaining power.

It is very sad to say that our culture has been heavily damaged by corruption. In every level of the citizenry, this scourge has been permeating its ugly head. Devouring whatever little hope we still have. We are losing our core values of discipline, temperance, self-reliance and honesty. Our communal value of social responsibility is being forgotten; pushed behind our self-consciousness. Thereby producing a deficit of empathy in the country.

But whenever we feel disheartened, we must gather our wits and continue to fight not any external foes, but ourselves. We need to cultivate that attitude of communal activism girded by persistence and empathy. We can only transform our world if we can transform ourselves back to our core values - from apathy to empathy; from passivism to activism. We need to redevelop our communal values that will bring about social justice.

We have to effect that transformation we need ourselves; no one will do it for us. We have once shown to the world that we, as a people can do it peacefully when we dethroned a detested dictator during the first EDSA revolution. We have revolutionized revolutions – transforming them from being bloody agents of change to being peaceful agents of change. Our example led to the downfall of many communist regimes in Europe.

We can still do what we need to be transformed. It is still not too late to redeem that elusive Filipino dream. However, this time the political transformation has to be done not in the streets but in the way of the democratic processes – the prudent use of our power as a transformed electorate to select the best people that will run our government based on a clear platform of governance.

The people of Pampanga have shown to us how they were able to organize themselves to use that power. The people of Isabela have proven to us that it is possible to choose a leader worthy of their trust. They have had enough of political dynasties and they wanted change. Change they got. The Filipino also wanted a transformed Philippines – culturally and politically. And we can do it!

There are many ways how we can do it. There are already many reliable organizations that we can extend our time, talent and expertise, as well as money. They can help us organize the way for our social and cultural transformation – for poverty alleviation and community organizing, there is the Gawad Kalinga (GK); for crime watchdog, there is the Volunteers against Crime and Corruption (VACC) and many others, each an expert in their chosen fields. Let us volunteer in any of these legitimate organizations, we need to make sacrifices and pay a price for our values. This is the only way we can show that we believe in those values.

We do not have to wait for an Obama to lead us through our miseries. Let us use our communal values to scrutinize the character and ideas of each politician claiming he or she has or is the answer to our nation’s problems. These kinds of people are the problem and not the solution. We already have too much of them in government, we do not need another one. Let us not be deceived by their empty promises and eloquent oration. Let us not be deceived by their great smile and scripted public appearances. Let us organize ourselves and demand from them their clear cut agenda and ideas. Let them prove their worth not only by their previous works but on how their characters were shaped by their work and position.

Obama did not become the phenomenon of the recent U.S. election because of his intellect nor personality nor race. He is a product of new ideas and the urgency of the times. His people needed a change and so they organized themselves to effect that change. There are many lessons we can learn from his historic election as a leader of the democratic world. Evidently, the most important of these is the power of the electorate to demand from him his ideas and how his character was shaped by his environment.

Five of our respected bishops have recently issued the call for a change. Hoping for liberators that will start the radical reforms our country needs. We need not look far or in the future. We ourselves are that liberators. Do not expect our politicians to change by themselves. It is a hope against hope. Only a determined and transformed electorate can force that transformation from our politicians. Let me also quote whom our bishops quoted “Upang maitindig natin ang bantayog ng ating lipunan, kailangang radikal nating baguhin hindi lamang ang ating mga institusyon, kundi maging ang ating pag-iisip at pamumuhay.” (Apolinario Mabini)

Fearless Men of God

How do you train fearless warriors for the Lord? Warriors who would not hesitate to wage battle against the enemy no matter what the cost. Warriors whom you could also relate to as brothers. Warriors willing to obey the call of the Lord to bring all men to the Kingdom.

For the more than two hundred members of the Servants of the Lord (SOLD), this was the training they got in the just concluded SOLD Luzon Conference dubbed as “True Men of God are Fearless”. The event was held last 27-28 of September at the Bethlehem Retreat Center in the scenic town of Bacacay, Albay near the foot of the majestic Mt. Mayon, a volcano famous worldwide for its near perfect conical shape.

The Fear Factor

Fears are a product of man’s environment and culture. It could become a shadow that will attach to him. However, with only the fear of the Lord that is kept in one’s heart, a close relationship with the Lord can help overcome all other fears.

This is the first important thing the delegates learned from the conference. How to have the courage to face and defeat the fear factor within one’s inner self. Fears that hinder any individual to accept the realities of life. Fears that discourage anyone in every struggles in life. Fears that prevent us to actively participate in the mission of evangelization.

Overcoming these fears in our life is the subject of the first session given by Bro. Art Alabanza, a former Philippine Air Force and commercial pilot. According to him, fear is the opposite of courage; we have to turn our fears into blessings through faith, hope, and perseverance.

How these gifts help overcome these fears was proven by Bro. Tony Loria’s steadfast belief that only God can be the source of anyone’s strength. He lost two sons through violence though he and his family have lived in peace all the days of their lives. The tragedy also raised doubts in him, it raised fears.

But in one of his meditations and time spent alone with God, he realized that life has to move on. He has to overcome the fears that have now been enveloping his life. Together with his wife, Mila who has been his other source of strength, they firmly resolved to continue their service for the Lord through the CFC community and Gawad Kalinga.

“To trust God completely and have the courage to gain wisdom is the first step one has to take on this journey in life”, affirmed Tony.

Gaining Wisdom

Living in brotherhood is a value all SOLD members have to learn as one of the strength in their daily lives. There is something special when men come together as brothers. It is during these times when men can talk about things that can only be discussed among close relations.

As such, a SOLD member has to learn how to react in different situations being played out every day. Sometimes they will be confronted with problems and struggles of other brothers. It is in this regard that they have to learn how to face such situation.

Several case studies, moderated by Joemar Salumbides that were taken out of real life experiences were presented to the delegates. Handling situations such as homosexuality; adultery and living together outside of marriage; addiction and drunkenness; desertion; borrowing and robbery were discussed by the delegates who were divided into small groups during the workshop.

“Leaders should pray for their members not because it is his job but rather out of love,” said Robert Ardiente, SOLD Council member and session 3 speaker who taught the delegates how to properly conduct counseling.

In all of CFC and its family ministries like the SOLD, each member must belong to a small group called a household, which must become a source of inspiration, joy and love for each member of that household. This small cell is headed by a leader called a household head. To better lead the small group assigned to him, a leader should know his members by heart - his interests, his struggles, his needs, his joys. To be able to do this he usually conducts a personal meeting with each of his member which is called a “One-on-one meeting”. Thus, having listening skill was taken and taught to the delegates during the second day of the conference.

A Victor for God

Before winning any battles, one should win the battle within himself. This is the essence of the message of Willy Ona who gave the last session talk. This is the first battle each one has to wage, to conquer one’s own heart. Resisting any temptations and discarding all vices that one has learned to live with.

To be a Christian is to witness. This witnessing may be in the form of preaching and teaching, of celebrating and counseling, of organizing and struggling to alleviate the suffering of our fellow human beings. It can only be a true witnessing if it emerges from a genuine personal encounter, a true experience of love. This we can readily encounter in our fellowship with one another in the community. A real brotherhood of true men of God.

A Layman’s Understanding of The Financial Mess of 2008

Three major crises hit the year 2008 which will always be remembered for its severity. First, it was the food crisis which raised food prices that became unaffordable to many poor people. Then, the oil crisis which brought prices to unprecedented levels. As we now go to the last quarter of the year, there is the global credit crunch which could lead to the failure of the world’s financial system.

For almost the whole month of September, my attention was grabbed by the looming global financial crisis which brought respectable institutions in Wall Street to its knees. No, I don’t profess that I am one of those experts who by now would be touting their different analysis of the situation. But I believe that what’s going on around the world will have an adverse effect on our lives. Yes, even simple folks like us who do not even have anything to do with the current mess the world is into.

Whether we like it or not, we have to accept the reality that we have to face the crisis with whatever little resources we have. To cope with and to hope that we can weather the storm that is about to lash the whole world. We have to prepare for the consequences of unregulated greed.

From a layman’s perspective, let’s try to have an understanding of what this crisis is all about.

What Really Is This Crisis All About?

For every one of us, owning a house of our own is the fulfillment of our dreams. A house of our own is the crowning glory of all our aspirations and perspirations. It is our own sense of security. This is normal for every man in every normal times. But what was strange was the high number of defaults when the global economy is not even experiencing recession. GDP or Gross Domestic Product worldwide is at a respectable level. Unemployment statistics are low.

Why are there a high number of defaults and foreclosures? Why the high number of lost dreams?

The crisis was felt sometime in August of last year when two large U.S. government-sponsored institutions involved in the housing and real estate loans, Fannie May and Freddie Mac, started asking their government for help. Mortgage foreclosure is going up, which means a real high number of borrowers could not pay their housing loans.
With the high number of defaults, come the tumbling down of real estate prices and housing demands. The bubble that was built up through the years of high demand and speculations suddenly burst.

The frenzied competition by banks to be number one lender is coming to an end. Their unrelenting manipulation of every man’s desire created a monster that is turning against them. Banks would be saddled with a mountain of debts that is now worthless. At the same time, investors who helped blowing the bubble with their speculations suddenly realized that what they are holding on to was not even worth anything. They want their money back at all cost.

The Blame Game

With every failure comes the blame game. Depending on which expert you will be talking to, the blame lies on the realtors, the real estate brokers and agents who in their haste to earn their commissions, may have not provided the necessary advise to their clients regarding the debt obligations they are incurring; the mainstream banks who provided and enticed consumers with easy home loans even to those who really could not afford them; the financial wizards and experts of Wall Street who engineered a complex web of financing schemes to buy one another’s debt and seem to erase one another’s risks; and the U.S. government for its failure to regulate the speculative nature of everything that is traded in Wall Street.

Everyone must assume responsibility. The events that preceded this crisis points out that ethics and conventional wisdom in doing business has been sidelined in exchange for a hefty profit. For the consumers, a way of obtaining their dreams without proper self-assessment of their capacity to settle the debts they have incurred.

A little greed is acceptable to make business, but too much of it will bring the whole ivory tower down.

Ethics and The Economy

Let me quote Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin, Ireland: “The economy has a social function. Economic growth, no matter how important, is never simply an end in itself. It should lead to social equity, to an equitable growth of society and to enhancing the people and the human infrastructures which strengthen society. Economic growth always brings with it social responsibility. Uncontrolled growth has rarely produced sustainability. If I were asked for my description of uncontrolled economic growth I would turn to the biblical insight of the Tower of Babel. The biblical story talks about people who felt that they now had the ability to build a tower which would link heaven and earth. When people think that they can have uncontrolled growth, very often what happens is what happened at Babel -- the tower collapses and the people become divided (Zenit.org).”

The lessons from this mess must be taken seriously. What happened will surely be remembered by all for many years to come. Everyone went overboard; some discipline must again be placed at the forefront. Unfortunately, there is now only one way to go - move downward and live within our means.

Governments are now scrambling for solution. Recession and inflation must be avoided at all cost. One solution that was proposed and about to be implemented is to buy all these worthless assets. Experts say this move could save banks in the short term, others are apprehensive because it will require the public’s fund to bail out even the worst offenders who brought us into this mess. Legitimate productivity businesses are worried there would not be any credit available to drive their operations. People are afraid they will lose their jobs. Additional taxes may be necessary to raise the needed fund in the proposed solutions or to shield a nation from the widening crisis.

Expediency over effectiveness seems to be the only option left to avoid recession, inflation or worse, the collapse of the global financial system. But again, if left unchecked by self-restraint of greed and an honest to goodness soul-searching, the cycle just goes back to where this economic mess started.

God, Religion and Poverty

Recently, I chanced upon a discussion in the internet regarding why there’s so much poverty in the Philippines and other Christian countries. The discussion started with this story of a conversation with a wealthy foreigner visiting the country and a pastor.

The visitor is telling him how he had come to love the country due to its beautiful people and breathtaking sceneries. Then continued with his observation that Filipinos are a very religious people. Bible verses could be seen almost everywhere; from the mud flaps of tricycles and jeepneys to anywhere a person is able to express his religiosity. However, in all the places he has visited, he also observed that in spite of the people’s profound belief and faith in their religion, still, there is so much poverty in the country.

The question was then posed: Why so much God and poverty in our country?

The pastor then laments that in some “godless” countries like China and Vietnam (both are Communist or Socialist countries), they were able to reduce their poverty rate and were currently getting the lion’s share of available worldwide investments. It is a well–known fact that religion is being suppressed in both countries. In China, any citizen can only practice those religions which are officially sanctioned by the state. Vietnam has just recently been recovering from its war for independence and unification. They have fought a hard and long war that lasted for more than twenty years. Its Communist government has also suppressed the people’s freedom of worship.

While some Christian countries like the Philippines and in some Latin and Central American countries where religiosity is prevalent continue to grapple with poverty. There being not enough investments – local or foreign – to drive their economies forward.

Statistics show that from 37% to 45% of the Philippine population live below the poverty line. With scarce opportunities for jobs, a significant number of the labor force is looking beyond its shores for gainful employment. Majority of these workers are married individuals who are forced to sacrifice familial relationships in the hope of gaining better living conditions for their families.

Are the achievements of these two Communist and “godless” countries a result of luck or of intervention by the gods?

Both China and Vietnam adopted the Socialist form of government after waging a bitter and deadly civil war. Both countries suffered from graft and corruption, from hunger and lack of economic activities as what the Christian countries are also experiencing. Both countries have also recently discovered that Communism or Socialism is just an illusion.

The difference is both China and Vietnam, after realizing their mistakes, undertook major social and economic reforms for the sake of their people’s welfare. While the Philippines, in spite of two peaceful revolutions, have not or could not implement any social or economic reforms needed to alleviate its poverty situation.

However, despite these adversities and deficiencies, Filipinos are still ranked as one of the happiest people in the world. Therefore, I could surmise that religion does have an influence on poverty, but on a positive note. The Filipinos’ belief and faith in their God and religion lessen the burden they have to face daily in their lives. It is the only hope that they can hold on to in their unpleasant world. It is the only source of his strength to have the power to choose his own path and curve his own destiny. Aside from this belief there is no one else that they can turn to.

Ever since the advent of man and his society, poverty has already been one of its main concerns. Social stratification evolved at the same time that humans learned how to live together as a community. Establishing its civilization, the urbanization of society also came into development due to the significant changes in the way people interacted among themselves. From a simple village organization to a larger, more complex urbanized social structure brought about by their new found needs for trade, agriculture and warfare. People are being uprooted from their homes and lands either from conquests or of their need to find a better means of livelihood. Oftentimes they could only found them in the cities where there are more economic activities. With these new development there came into being another stratum in its social hierarchy, the lowest echelon of society – the landless, the laborers, the slaves - the people we now call the poor.

As civilization progresses, this social stratification rose among nations around the globe as well. Wealthy and powerful nations use cheap labor and resources of less powerful nations for their own interests in building their empires or enlarging their domains. This dynamic continues up to the age of colonialism from the 15^th up to the early 19^th centuries.

History is replete with moral codes on social justice. The earliest known written one is that of the Babylonians which have their Code of Hammurabi, the Confucian teachings of the Chinese, the Talmudic Laws of the Jews, and the Bible of the Christians. In spite of these moral codes and teachings, sadly, the call for everyone to relate to the poor with compassion remain unheeded. Mistreatment of the poor and social injustice is ubiquitously practiced.

Many times man has tried to implement social justice. The bible tells us of how the early Christians lived communally that no one among them were in need. During the times of the prophets, God has continually reminded His people to live according to what should be morally correct. The early fathers of the Church have continuously preached to be compassionate with the poor. And some of them even practiced their vow of poverty. In modern times, the Industrial Revolution that began in England produced what was later became the model of the modern labor codes to protect women and children from exploitation. Abraham Lincoln waged one of the bloodiest civil war against his countrymen to end slavery in deference to America’s declaration of human rights. All of these are in vain. Social injustice is still prevalent. Poverty is still the scourge of mankind as it has always been.

While it is very true that Christianity is the best legacy of Spain to the Philippines, it is the tyranny of some of its adherents that contributes to the persecution of the majority of the population. Their avarice is unquenchable.

On the other end of the spectrum are those that are simply apathetic to the conditions of their countrymen. Here lies the majority of the populace. Those who are simply contented just to earn their upkeeps to go on with their ordinary lives.

Unless man will learn all the lessons of history that was played down from one era to another era; unless man will heed the moral teachings handed from one generation to the next generation, the tyranny and the apathy of man shall always be with us. The poor among us will still be persecuted and oppressed as they have been for thousands of years.

To My Mother

She looks frail and delicate at her age of eighty one. She could barely move her legs which make her face twist in agony or if it was touched, even with care. There is no wheelchair, so my son and I have to sit her on a plastic chair and carry her toward the waiting cab. As we carry her along she let out a stifling cry, softly muttering and pleading the Lord to ease the pain. She is a bit heavy for her small frame though she is not fat. She could have not weight more than a hundred and twenty.

Last August 5 my mother fainted and fell. She has just finished her bath and was hanging her laundry outside the yard when suddenly she felt dizzy. This caused her to lose her balance. Unfortunately, she was all alone in the house at the time. No one could tell how long she was unconscious or if she were indeed. Upon gaining her consciousness, she cried for help. Our nearest neighbor heard the cry and she was immediately helped to stand and be carried back home. In agonizing pain. This is what happened, according to her.

The fall could not have been that hard. The right thigh she was complaining of has not shown any sign of swelling. Even after two days of excruciating pain. Neither headache nor any sign of swelling or scratches. This could only mean that the fall could have been cushioned by something, maybe her left elbow or left arm, as this is the only part of her body that has some small scratches, which is not so serious. The wounds are superficial which more looks like it was a result of scratching hard and long. Since she has not complained of any pains other than her thighs and would not want us to bring her to the doctor, we just tried to observe her.

Two days I pleaded her to be x-rayed for any possible fracture in the pelvic bones if it was that painful whenever her thigh is moved or touched. But she would not listen to my pleas. She is already content not to make any movement, just lying there on the sofa the whole day till she fell asleep at night. On the third day, my wife and I finally brought her to the hospital.

The doctor on duty at the emergency room examined her. Her blood pressure and blood sugar were checked, the doctor would like to know what caused her dizziness. The doctor is puzzled what could be the source of the pain on her thigh, there is no swelling. He ordered for an x-ray to be conducted. The result of the blood test indicated that her sugar level at 210 is well the above normal level. Her blood pressure is also quite high at 150. Then the result of the x-ray indicated there is no fracture on her thigh. However, it was decided that she be confined at least a day in the hospital to conduct more test and to observe her further.

As she lay there helplessly, she looks so vulnerable, so helpless, with a worried look on her face. What is it she is worrying about, no one knows.

As I watch her, some painful memories of the past came to haunt me once again. At that moment, I could still see vividly how she made life challenging for all of us, especially my wife and my children. How she would throw tantrums or start a quarrel with my wife or any of my children for any reasons which is irrational at most time; frequently, it would be whenever she would learn of our activities with Couples for Christ community, even just attending our regular household meeting or of any community event our whole family have to attend. If I do not side with her or took her reckoning, which is most of the time, she will leave the house without anyone knowing where she would be. Her disappearance would last for one to three months.

Of course, I would be worried for her. In fact, everyone would be worried. I would make calls for anyone who might have knowledge of where she could be staying. Later on, either a relative or one of her friends would call me in the office to inform where she could be found. Naturally, I would be going to the place and talk to her. It would only be after two days to a week that she would be persuaded to come with me back to our house.

Her propensity to emote her misguided or wrong notion of her sensibilities towards those who will defy her fancies (real or imagined) will surely get her irritating attention. Time has come that some of my children had expressed their animosity toward their grandmother. Regretfully, all I can say to them is to give her more understanding. Being a widow (my father died in January, 1991) there is no one who will take care of her except me, her only living son (my only brother died at a young age of 27 in October, 1986). Though, sometimes my wife would also air her grievances mildly, she would still talk to our children about giving their understanding toward their grandmother careful not to be affected by her own sensibility. For this, I have admired her most since she is the one who gets the irritant most often.

Now as she lays there so helpless, I want to tell her what I feel, what I truly feel for her. How I would also like to tell her how wrong she was in treating my wife miserably and the psychological and emotional stress she has brought to everyone in my household. That even though she has done what she has done to us I will still be her son. A son who, in spite of seeing that his family is being wronged, is still willing to do his God-given duty towards her mother; especially in her old age. And I would like to assure her, that I shall not be alone. My wife who, despite all the demeaning words she received from her, despite the emotional susceptibility to fear her brought about by the unstable relationship, still loves her and is still keenly convicted to be at my side taking care of her. It is not that I have not tried to talk to her about these matters in the past. I did, but every time the discussion will not produce anything to settle the matter, rather it will just be another occasion to deepen the imagined hurts she harbors in her heart.

Still, I held on to my emotion. I think this is not the time. What is best at this moment of her helplessness is to show in deed what I would like her to feel. To let her feel our love for her; to let her feel that we shall care for her till the end of her days.

And I pray to God that she sees it clearly.

Sex and Marriage

We know that sexual intimacy before marriage is immoral. However, to some the statement will be debatable, and to some it is still the rule.

But do we really know the reason why? Do we believe it is immoral because we just inherited the idea that it is wrongful to have pre-marital or extra-marital sex through our parents or because this is what was said by our priest or pastor, or this is the custom we have grown up with?

However, some statistics and studies suggest otherwise. There are now more couples living together without going into a more lasting bond that is marriage compared to that of twenty or more years ago. The reasons may be varied. Here in the Philippines, one of the reasons may be economic, which is a very flimsy reason. A simple wedding ceremony can suffice if the couple will. Also, there are not a few instances wherein the woman is already in the second, third or more months of her pregnancy at the time of her wedding day. I have also often heard that marriage is just a piece of paper signed by the man and woman with the agreement to live together as a family. Today, we are also hearing of same-sex marriages.

Time has indeed changed, some of what we conceived before as immoral is becoming the norm today - all in the guise of liberalism, progress, or practicality.

Consider the facts that there are more children raised by a single parent than it was twenty or more years ago. Sadly, unknown to many this situation have an effect on children. It is said that evidences suggest that children raised by a two parent household perform better than those of single parent household. Studies also shows high probability that a child raised in a single parent household may end up being pregnant during their teens or of having a failed marriage.

This subject matter came to me one day as I was reading my daily devotional book, Word Among Us. And I chance upon this article by Fr. Alfredo Hernandez entitled Why Wait? I kept thinking hard whether I would write something about this subject. I do not claim to be an expert on this. However, I came to the conclusion that I have to share this with all of you as I find this subject pertinent to all, a very good reason why sexual intimacy have to wait for marriage.

Fr. Hernandez defined four characteristics of a Christian Marriage:

1. It is forever: The permanence of the couple’s love for each other represents Christ’s eternal commitment to us. Christian marriage must last forever. It should withstand the tests of times. The longer each one clings on to the other, the sweeter the relationship becomes.

2. It is faithful: The couple’s mutual faithfulness witnesses to the love of Christ, who will never abandon his people. For better or for worse... For richer or poorer... In sickness and in health... This is the vow each of them made at the front of the altar of God- this is what makes it sacred. It is not just a matter of signing a contract of agreement between two people.

3. It is fruitful: This aspect of Christ’s love is expressed by the couple’s willingness to bring forth new life. Sexual intimacy is the crown of the couple’s relationship. It has a purpose other than being a self satisfying action. Sexual intimacy is not an act just for the satisfaction of one’s biological impulses; rather it is an act with a much deeper purpose done with love. Love will bear the fruition of the act. Both has to be ready to face the sacrifices rearing a child entails.

4. It is self-giving: Christ sacrificed himself totally for the church; similarly, husband and wife commit themselves to withhold nothing from one another.
Fidelity to each other must be held sacred. Each one now has to live for each other and to their offspring. A new chapter in their lives is now opened wherein two hearts have become as one – same vision, same mission, same purpose.

Even at the very start of the relationship, the couple has to learn how to give one’s self for the other. And I can assure you that it will entail a lot of sacrifices for each one. Sacrifices which will mean the success of the union.